Something to remember

I was recently hurt by a friend, or at least someone I thought was a friend. It wasn't anything 'bad', she did not backstab me, lie to me or anything but she made me very disappointed. I think this incident caused a huge irreparable damage on our friendship, on my part at least, I doubt I can speak for her.

This is not the first time I am disappointed by what a friend did. I am starting to wonder whether its because of my expectations of what friends are supposed to be like. I take it personally when people say negative things of people I consider to be friends. I take it personally when they do things I disapprove of, I feel like its my fault one way or the other when they do something 'wrong' whether its being a bitch or going back on their word. I feel like I saw them in a different light then before, a clearer, brighter light and that maybe, they are not who I think they are. And that is painful to me.

I am starting to think that I have to change my views of what friends should be/do and lower my expectations from them. With my growing circle of friends and my wider view of the world, it seems clear to me that people only look out for themselves and a select few, and that it is unlikely that Im within the select few of most of my friends. My view of friendships should be like stems from my expectation of myself in a friendship. You root for each other and trust each other. You dont have to tell each other everything but when you need a shoulder to lean on, friends are who you go to. and I do try to do all this. This is also why i have few 'friends' but a lot of 'people I know', i categorise my acquaintances accordingly. It seems like this is not how it is for other people. Friends are just people you know and hang out with. They are no different from your colleagues at work or people you meet at the pub but seems to get along well with from the start.

Since leaving home for my tertiary education, I not only see more of the world, also see how idealistic I have been. I have been confined to my little pink-tinted glass cage. You see what is happening but there always seem to be a silver lining, there's always a positive side.

I know this is part of growing up but it makes me wonder whether I want to go through this process, cant I see things through my pink glass forever? I know Ill be happier that way...