I have just finished Memorial 1 last weekend. Another lousy paper but at least its over... D weirdest thing is, i dont feel a sense of relief. I guess I did when i uploaded the paper but deep inside, the stone is not lifted. As a kind of a break from school work I did not study for 2 days but, curiously enough, i felt guilty about it. Its like, Im wrong to not be as hardworking as i can be, as if thats all my like should b about. When did i become that kind of a person?
I still remember my days in KL, freaking carefree. Whenever Im bored, Ill drop by Midvalley for an afternoon while everyone went home to prepare for tutorials and all. I still do that at times but instead of feeling happy, I feel guilty. Is that why Singaporeans all seem to like shopping to death? Going out on weekdays, i was hoping to skip the crowds but alas, it was not meant to be. At F21 on Monday, I had to queue at the fitting room? Tangs was crowded too! What are all those people doing at shopping malls at 11am on a weekday? Or are they like me, shopping to feel better when they know they should not?
Life is tough here, the fittest survive. Seeing how people are concerned with their kid's schoolwork is proof. If you get First Class, u got a high chance of becoming a judge and they get paid A LOT. Its a totally diff thing back home. Luck and connections are what people hope they have. Getting all this out is making things clear for me as to why i feel how i feel. Im scared of losing out. Worried about not 'making it'. Am i being 'Singaporean-ised'??
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